Guess who said (or wrote) these things?

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Guess who said (or wrote) these things?

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“I must have a drink of breakfast.”

“Somebody left the cork out of my lunch!”

“She’s all done up like a well-kept grave.”

“I exercise extreme self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.”

“If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit.”

“I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.”

A female neighbour rushed out to the new green lawn where our subject was engaged in shooting singing birds with an air rifle. She remonstrated. He replied, “I’ll go on shooting them till they shit green!”

Our subject said he hated all children and small animals. When questioned, he responded: “Anyone who hates small dogs and children can’t be all bad.”

And also: “A woman drove me to drink but I never had the courtesy to thank her.”


You can treat the last two quotations as a clue.

By | 2014-01-14T12:31:14+00:00 January 14th, 2014|English Language, Humour, Philosophy, US History|2 Comments

About the Author:

‘Dean Swift’ is a pen name: the author has been a soldier; he has worked in sales, TV, the making of films, as a teacher of English and history and a journalist. He is married with three grown-up children. They live in Spain.


  1. David Williams March 6, 2014 at 8:57 am - Reply

    I would ascribe most of them to W C Fields perhaps one Dorothy Parker

    • Dean Swift March 7, 2014 at 2:12 pm - Reply

      David Williams thank you for your perspicacity! All these quotes come from W.C Fields. This section has proved so popular we will run another one some day soon. Thank you again. Dean.

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