This is a pinkish Spanish glossy magazine published with great success throughout Spain. It mostly deals with ‘celebrities’ whatever they are; it is not in my list of great reads. In April of this year that sheet chose to congratulate the Queen of England on her eighty-seventh birthday, running seven colour photographs of Elizabeth II taken at various ages. There was a bit of text too, and in its single paragraph Lecturas managed to place its foot firmly in its own gob as per usual.
Writing with its customary crude sarcasm, the anonymous ‘journalist’ speaks of ‘her illustrious majesty’ being addicted to crosswords, television series, the Abba group of entertainers, and ‘dry martini’. The writer may be right about puzzles and soaps and Abba, but ‘dry martini’ oh dear no! Perhaps it would be too much to expect a foreign journalist to know, but the Queen does not drink. At official banquets (NOT her favourite activity) the waiters are under orders to pour half an inch of wine into her glass so as to show solidarity. When they all rise that half-inch will still be there, untouched. The Dry Martini, made with vodka not gin, is James Bond’s preferred tipple, and the writer may have been seduced into making such a crass error by associations with Bond and Queen attending the Opening Ceremony of the London Olympics by parachute. And then there was of course the Queen’s mother, who was fond of a gin and tonic in the braw Scottish evenings at Balmoral.
Later in this fascinating piece of drivel the writer goes on to say that the Queen’s husband is always putting his foot into it too. It is true that Philip has a hard, sometimes cruel sense of humour, but I doubt if he has ever overstepped the mark. Fatalistically, he has accepted walking just behind the Queen figuratively and physically for the last sixty-five years or so. As far as I know, he has not gone off on expensive safaris to kill elephants while his country has nearly 50% unemployment. And if he has enjoyed mistresses, he has been discreet.
After this article was published a friend put me wise to it, and I wrote a careful letter to the editor of Lecturas pointing out the crass mistake over strong drink. At least I assumed that Lecturas has an editor. I have not received any reply, and there has been no rectification. Such a surprise.