The bright young couple were proud of their beautiful Siamese cat, sitting observing the world at their feet one afternoon. The usual chorus of dogs in neighbours’ houses had just started, as it did twice or even three times a day, when sensible cats slithered or jumped into other people’s gardens, to kill a song bird here, lay a turd there, or moan in that particular way male cats have when another alpha draws near. Just then the Siamese said, rather surprisingly, “Miauw, miauw, wuff, wuff.” The couple looked at each other. “What did he say?” asked the wife. “Oh that,” replied the husband, “he’s practising; he’s going to be an instantaneous interpreter at peace conferences!”
One young lady mouse met another in a cupboard. They chatted. After a while one said to the other: “Have you met my fiancé?” “What a nice surprise! “You’re engaged? How nice! Who is he? Do I know him?” “I don’t think you do. He is a bat.” There was an infinitesimal moment of silence: “a bat! But they are so ugly darling!” To which the first lady mouse said, a little haughtily, “he might be ugly, sweetie, but he’s a pilot!”
The nervous young bride-to-be was spending her last teatime unmarried with her mother. The latter knew her daughter was worried about marriage, but especially the marriage bed. She thought some motherly wisdom was required. “Darling, tomorrow you will be married, and things will happen as you know. Can I give you a word of advice? I know about men you see? Your father and so on . . .! Her daughter was enthusiastic: “Oh please do, mother!” “Well dear, here it is: always wear something in bed. Yes, always. Men like to see women with something on. Then they can, eh, take it off d’you see? It must excite them somehow . . .” The daughter took the advice, they were as happy as a sand boy and girl in bed, and everything in the garden was lovely until one morning, waking up beside his beautiful girl in bed when the cock crowed, the husband said, “Sweetheart, can I ask you something?” She stretched like a cat and nodded sleepily. He went on: “Tell me, is there any trace of madness, I mean of course mental challenge in your family?” “What an extraordinary thing to ask! Of course not. What a thing to say! Why?” “Oh, it’s just because since were married you’ve always worn a hat in bed.”
Love and peace to everybody,
Dean.
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